(or My Based Scholarship Essay)
People ask me: “Drama,” – as I am called for short – “how did you become the greatest libidinal economist on the internet?” According to my calendar, it’s about time these things be made known, though all the details, of which I have perfect and faithful recollection, cannot be presently divulged. As to your inquiry, I had to dredge up the sum of my mineral-dramatic knowledge from the depths of the unknown in order to recover from a perfidious abuse I suffered.
A female professor who acted in an inappropriate way toward me several years ago, contributed greatly to me losing my mind with her relentless tactile and verbal stimulations. These continued daily despite the fact that I did not submit a single assignment. Before going any further, let me say that even the medicinae doctores now concur that I am not mentally ill by their standards and that I have been the victim of several medical errors. Remarkable, I know, and one must be greater than normal for such a revocation to be made. Anyway, my soul really shone through when I derived ideas of eternal life from her pornographic violations, but their pyramidal organization, atop which sat Jeffery Epstein, had no recourse to deal with the salvific forces she unleashed with her unwomanly conduct and I was cast into outer darkness.
Almost a hundred years had passed since Victor Tausk published on the so-called influencing machine, saying that psychotic delusions are transposed genital excitations forbade from becoming conscious (perhaps for institutional reasons). Not one psychiatrist in the post-war gas chamber we inhabit seemed to remember this. The professor did not seem to think her violations of the codes to which she swore to adhere were clinically significant! Therefore, it was assumed that I was merely done for and the treatment was concerned with pharmacologically making me too stupid to commit the crimes that the various professionals involved themselves unconsciously wanted to realize. To add insult to injury, this necessarily entailed efforts to make me equate generally opening my heart – as well as sexual excitation – with other people’s fears of their own necrotic interiors. Calm your rage, dear reader; I have been paid back with interest. As for Dr. Tausk, he hanged himself. Rest well, undeserved one! I have a gut feeling that in ten years’ time everyone who’s still with it will accept your discovery . . . understand?
I confess that I do not really miss him; I had long realised that he could be of no further service; indeed that he constituted a threat to the future.Freud on Tausk
It took a lot of work to crawl back up the drain and I am at last a normal person as far as most people should be concerned. To quote Prospero’s epilogue, “Now my charms are all o’erthrown / and what strength I have’s mine own.” The point of this post, then, is to share an essay I submitted in an attempt to win a scholarship for my involvement with the college trivia team. What, they asked, was my most rewarding educational experience?
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To apprehend the identity shared by a character defense mechanism and a somatic impulse has been my most rewarding education experience thus far. The first step was to read about it in the oeuvre of Dr. Wilhelm Reich. It was unclear what exactly he was talking about. I had to familiarize myself with a variety of terms and it soon became apparent that I would have to embark on a depth-psychological investigation of my self in order to understand any of his writings. Curiosity regarding their public incineration in Germany and the United States of America compelled me.
I am of the opinion that this undertaking forces one to abandon any belief in mind-body dualism. At the time, I was suffering from a syndrome that eluded all curative efforts. This was characterized by fibromyalgia-like symptoms, unbearable pain, distrust of society, feeling of coldness &c. I would later realize that this was the result of unconscious, chronic contractions of my skeletal muscles and that these served to repress intolerable feelings native to the past.
Building on the work of the internist Friedrich Kraus (who wrote on the medical pathology of the legal person), Dr. Reich surmised that the hydration of the body’s peripheral tissue is [in part] what these contractions exist to prevent and that this hydration coincides with a subjective sensation of peace. To heal, I had to viscerally learn what this meant. This gradual process entailed progressively relaxing regions of expressive musculature. It is a law of libidinal economy that the repressed pulsion whose energy is consumed by the contraction becomes conscious and demands expression if the contraction be ceased. For me, this was experimentally confirmed and I began to comprehend how my past experiences led to my contemporary situation.
However, I initially experienced this hydration as anxiety. It coincided with an unfamiliar pulsation of the related tissues and other alien sensations long forgotten. Since the chronic contractions were adopted under conditions of discomfort, misery or terror, these same emotions surfaced. Just as Dr. Reich described, they did so in a logical order which was chronologically the reverse of the order of their formation. It is necessary at this point to state that the structure of character consists of many layers of traumata which, like in the geologic time scale, each form in reaction to and conceal the underlying layer. After the emotions native to any one of these was expressed, the underlying disposition was necessarily made conscious and the corresponding muscle contractions loosened. Following this was peripheral hydration and concomitant sensations of fluid moving. It was also necessary to embrace these sensations as natural and indicative of an integrated body even though they formerly heralded terror.
Inevitably, it became clear that Dr. Reich was correct in stating that a character defense mechanism – these manifesting as chronic muscular contractions – and the somatic impulse it represses share an “antithetical functional identity.” This is to say that even though the two items are against each other, that the defense mechanism seems to negate the impulse, they are two parts of a single, more fundamental phenomenon, namely the flow of fluid into or out from the center of the organism. Learning this has furnished me with innumerable benefits. I now trust my body and allow its spontaneous action, knowing there is nothing wrong with experiencing these fundamental fluid movements inherent to life. Moreover, I gained an understanding of my personality and how it grew as a reaction to external conditions.
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I hope they did not think I was writing about getting an erection, merely one example of this physiological and hydrodynamic phenomenon on which life itself depends: pulsation. The student of sex-economy should note that, in the last paragraph, my implication that such muscle contraction is identical to a chronic, net centripetal flow of fluid in the organism was in error. They are merely inseparable comorbidities. The important thing to remember is that proceeding diligently in the above-described fashion, viz. according to the principles of character analysis, allows a person to recall all repressed memories, even, the orgonomists maintain, those from remote infancy.
Remarkably, I was awarded thirty credit hours. I would like to thank my two professors who wrote letters recommending me as well as all the educators who use their powers for transmitting useful, edifying skills and information so we young people don’t have to figure out everything for ourselves. Educators of this sort are concerned with the truth and, concomitantly, imparting those skills which enable independent verification of the principles which order our existence. In contrast there are those who think their having secured an office in the most gangrenous and senile society ever is sufficient to justify their promulgation of vulgar opinions as fact – and their murder of truth for the sake of convenience.
I also condemn all those professionals whose prominence and influence are due primarily to mass neurosis, mass sexual dysfunction, mass child abuse and mass ignorance concerning the simple functioning of Life. Among these are the denigrators of the martyrs as well as those who endeavor to slow step society into McMatriarchy by gunking up our faculties of cognition with lies and making war against grammar and logic. The most abhorrent and disgusting of all are those who use sexual language to intimidate and manipulate, knowing that their victims cannot afford to become conscious thereof if they are to remain in the institution or proceed with their work. Be assured that the greatest harm they do is to their selves (cf. Matthew 21:42-44). May God have mercy on their souls.