5. Why We Are Called Romantics

Normally we let everyone believe that they already know what the word ‘romantic’ means but since you are reading this, you are a candidate for either Team Womb or Team Tomb. Therefore I will tell you the true origin of the word to the extent I am allowed by Phoenician Commercial Law.

Do not listen to the academics when they contradict. Our heritage comes down to Beethoven from the great, unknown minstrels and knights of the past. These sang the Medieval Romances and from hence does our name originate. I have not read a single one because I have been preoccupied with the works of Wilhelm Reich (including The Function of the Orgasm).

Why are they called Medieval Romances? This has nothing to do with “spitting game,” “buying her a drink,” waiting an hour to “text her back,” and those skills men try to impart to me. Romances are epic poems like The Aeneid. Our Knightly Race descends from Aeneas and those who fled Troy when she became inhospitable.

Let me tell you, if you are man enough, about Ilium and how her high ramparts were built. According to Edith Hamilton, female authoress extraordinaire but still a woman, it all began when Paris was asked to judge bribes from some goddesses. Now Paris was a fine young lad and didn’t want to rule the known world or crush the Greeks in war so he accepted Aphrodite’s promise of the fairest woman on earth, Helen. “Paris, a weakling and something of a coward,” Hamilton tells us, “gave Aphrodite the golden apple (1).” Yes Edith, you have a vagina, I get it, please stop! I have come to you for education!

The Judgement of Paris – The Master of the Judgement of Paris

When Helen was dropped off on the shore by Ilium, many men saw her beauty but felt compelled to get her number of bricks and built the wall. Thenceforth was the city called Troy whereas before it was Ilium. Now, in her wake, a tempest formed over the sea and sucked out some Aegean ships. The sailors and soldiers couldn’t leave without their ships so they all jumped in before it was too late. There was no army left to defend the city of Mycenae so Agamemnon got on board before realizing Helen was nowhere to be found. They fought for ten years but only Odysseus could figure out how to get in. He would pay another ten years for that. But the Aegeans, those dogs, abolished gift-giving.

How do I know this? I used to be, maybe in another life, a horn player and it was we who performed at Jericho all those years ago. So like T. E. Lawrence – that student of crusader castles – I have some understanding of fortifications and their integrity.

Oh. One more thing :


This is how people used to read when not everyone read. Being translated from the Latin:

After his departure from Troy, he [must I give away all my secrets?] saw every day and during the day the Star of Venus, until he arrived at the fields of Laurentum, where he ceased to see it. This fact made him realize that these were the lands allotted by destiny. (2)


(1) Hamilton, Edith – Mythology, Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes – Part Four – The Heroes of the Trojan War – Prologue: THE JUDGMENT OF PARIS pg. 255

(2) Fulcanelli, Master Alchemist – Le Mystère des Cathédrales – 7pg. 52
(translated from the French by Mary Sworder)

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